Snort. 3-year-olds.

In my short seven and a half years of parenting, I have noticed that 3-year-olds say the most outrageous things.  And it's all done so innocently.

Here are nine recent conversations with Claire:

ONE
We sat down to play a game of memory together as a family.

Claire [looking at me]: Ok.  Let's see who goes first. I have a number behind my back.  Pick a number between 1 and 5.
Me: One.
Claire: Ok.  You can be one.
Corrine: Two.
Claire: Ok, that's a good number.  You can be two.
Brandon: Three.
Allan: Five.
Claire: Sure, you can be three, Brandon, and you can be five, Daddy.  That will be ok.

Four sets of eyes looked expectantly at her, waiting for her to announce the winner.

Claire: Ok. Now...now I will go ahead and go first.


TWO 
Claire and Corrine wanted to help me mop the floor.

Corrine: Do you like to mop?
Claire: Yeah.  It's incredible.
Corrine: Claire.  Claire, you do it like THIS.
Claire: I know.  I KNOW.  Rinnie!  I already know EVERYTHING about washing.


THREE
Out-of-the-blue while playing.

Claire: Oh, no!  This is a disaster!


FOUR
Claire, being resourceful.

Claire: Brandon, will you open the refrigerator for me?
Brandon: Yes.
Claire: Thank you, Brandon!  I won't even hit you.


FIVE
Claire, making her birthday wish list.

Claire: Momma, look.  This is what I want for my birthday.  This princess dress, these gloves and this tiara.
Me: Ok.  Do you think that would be fun? (I ask the best questions.)
Claire: Yeah.
Me: Ok.  Maybe I'll get it for you.
Claire: No, Momma!  You can't tell me your're getting it. Don't tell me that you are.  You aren't supposed to tell.  It's a surprise!
Me: Oh. Ok.  Well, maybe I'll get them for you and maybe I won't.
Claire: Yeah.
[turning to Corrine]
Claire: Corrine, guess what Momma is going to get me for my birthday? But she's not even telling me IF she is because it's a surprise.  Rinnie, if you forget what you should get for me for my birthday, don't worry.  I will whisper it in your ear. [whispers in Corrine's ear]
Corrine: Ok.  Thank you.


SIX
Claire, perfecting her future politician skills.

[Pointing at Belle from Beauty and the Beast on her bounce ball.]

Claire: I want her [Belle] to be my mom.
Me: Why?
Claire: Because she's sooo pretty.
Me: And I'm not?
Claire: Well, you can be my mom, too, because you're nice.


SEVEN
More honest truth.

[Staring intently at Corrine's artwork.]

Corrine: It's ok if you laugh at my drawing, Claire.  It's a little bit funny.
Claire:  It's not funny.  It's nice.  I like it very much.


EIGHT
More notes.

Claire: Mommy, here's a note from me.
Me: Thank you!
Claire: It says, "I love you, Mommy.  I love you, Daddy. I want to get stronger.  I love Jesus, and I love God."


NINE
Claire.  Indignant.

Claire: Someone ripped this!  This was the nicest thing I ever drawed.  Who ripped this?  Who did it? Did you, Mommy?
Me: I don't think so.
Claire: Tell me the truth, Mommy.


Snort.  Love me some three-year-old.